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| Hellooooo my friends!!! I'm going to follow suite with Bethani and update!!! Especially since my last entry sounded kinda depressing and I'm sooooo far from being depressed!!! There's nothing super new to account for in my life. The summer was pretty cut-and-dry. I worked full time, hung out with my most amazing friends, failed to catch up with old friends...cause I'm really bad about keeping in touch with people :\ This is something I would like to be better at. Mom came to Manhattan and stayed with me for a week! That was a lot of fun!!! Spent some father-daughter time at Cedar Bluffs with Dad and the jetski!!! That was awesome!!! I had class in June and that sucked up a lot of my time. Yeah, not a whole lot to account for as far as going-ons. Oh well, I've been seeing God work in my life and in the lives of my friends in great and magnificent ways. He kinda does that sometimes!!! I'm doing farely well in my recovery. Not perfect by any means, but decent. I find that watching less TV and not reading magazines like I used to really helps! I'm kind of anti-Hollywood. I like movies and stuff, but as far as tabloids or People's magazine, or "Access Hollywood" is concerned, well, I'd rather fill my mind with something a little more pertinent to my life. I think that is my biggest soapbox of the moment! But anyway, I have to be getting to work...which I actually do love!!! My babies in my classroom are the most precious little ones ever!!! God bless and keep you! I hope all is well!
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| I just spent two hours working on an entry...a heartfelt entry and something happened and I lost it all...if you had been able to read what I had written you would probably say what I just thought..."Oh, you have got to be kidding me!...Go flippin' figure"
The gist of the entry: "Lately the weather has been so bipolar, and consequently so have I." -Relient K
All I can do is stare at the gray, barely moving clouds, in a nearly catatonic state and feel nothing. Not sad, not mad, not happy, not anything. It's been this way most of the week. Bet I had most of you fooled with my smile. I feel like I've settled into an uncomfortable phase in recovery. Relationally speaking the "honeymoon phase" is over and the romance of it all is gone. I'm in a state of apathy. I know this too shall pass. I don't know when though...oh well...I'm done for now...sorry so blah! | | |
| Hello All!!!
So yesterday was one of the most trying days I've had in a long time...not really in referance to my eating disorder, thankfully, just as a whole. We had our world simulation in Anthropology and when I told one of the colonies my colony had taken over that we couldn't feed them because we ourselves had just been taken over a girl retorted, "Oh, that's just great!" and then slugged me in the arm. Not just a slap, but a slug...we all know that I'm a toughie and know the difference. People were getting angry and being mean...so it was a lot less fun than I had hoped! Oh and before any of that happened I woke up and my right eye was blood shot and burning so I was really scared that I had contracted pink eye for a fourth time, so I put my glassed on, which at the moment are uncomfortable because the right eyepiece somehow got slightly shredded on the part that rests on my nose. So it's scratchy and irritating! So after class I went to KC to catch my flight to Denver and was almost unable to get on due to the time. The people in the airport were being mean and I was the lucky random person that got patted down and my luggage searched. They were shutting the gates and the lady behind the desk had to tell them that I was coming. Then 5 people in ront of me had to get back off the plane to check lauggage that wouldn't fit under the seats. There was a guy standing right behind me with a ton of baggage labels and they just took the luggage luckily. They took one of my carry ons too and I hadn't even been on the plane, and I know it would have fit...oh well. Oh and I left my suitcase behind with Bethani because I knew that if I tried to check it I would most definately miss my flight. Thank goodness she was able to fed-ex it to me, which I'm soooooo grateful for!!! I got it at 10:30 this morning. Mom and dad were waiting for me at the Denver airport...that was fun...dad told me to get on the train and come to baggage claim. I was like, "Train? What train?" I finally figured it out in the midst of trying to talk on the phone to B and dad about my luggage situation I went from Concourse B to Concorse A back to Concourse B then finally to baggage claim! Hey, it was the first time I'd flown alone and the last time I flew was 8 years ago so I was clueless! So, then we had a BBQ at Dustin's fiance's sisters house and I got a beer spilled all over me...so at that point I had no clothes except for the ones saturated in beer!!!! Thank goodness for Target!!! Then we went back to the hotel and I took my glasses off and was going to put my contacts in...I took the right one out of the package and it was reversed so I flipped it and it ripped right down the middle...that has NEVER happened to me!!!! What the heck! So I'm still wearing my dumb scratchy glasses and am waiting for mom and dad to come get me from the hotel so we can go find some contacts! ~Please, God, let this day be a more "successful" day for me!~
One very good thing that happened...my plane didn't crash and I didn't have an anxiety attack at any point during the flight!!! Yipee! Maybe I'm not as scared of flying as I used to be! Victory! Praise God!
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| Oh gosh golly gee! Aren't random entries just super-dee-duper! It's 1:15 am, and I'm working on going to bed...be patient with me, I'll get there eventually! I just wanted to say that I LOVE ALL OF MY AMAZING FRIENDS!!!!!!!! Thanks everyone, for all of the encouragement and love!!!! Gives me warm fuzzies!
So I put a link on my facebook profile to yet another myspace site that I am now manning. This site however is for my "band", aka me and my karaoke tapes! Yeppers, that's right, I officially have music on the internet! I MUST BE CRAZY!!! So Ryan, you can go listen at your leisure, but I'm not saying it's any good...so don't say I didn't warn you! 
ANYHOOT, off to sleepy-bye!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zz z | | |
| "Am I now trying to win human approval, or God's approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10
This is the basis of my eating disorder. Well, many other factors are involved as well, but the wanting to be "beautiful" and "worthy" perpetuate it. Can I just tell you that in the last week I have run to God before food and while it has been hard and has taken a VERY conscious effort, I am now reaping incredible rewards! I want to serve HIM and not my vain desires! My identity IS in HIM and not the world!!! I think in the last week, for the first time in 11 years, I've concentrated on God harder than on how to lose xx amount of weight! Flippin' amazing!
"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to us all. And God is faithful;he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."1 Cor 10:13
He has been faithful in providing the strength I have needed for so long. I have finally relinquished control and He has carried me with grace through the last week!
"Help me, LORD my God; save me according to your unfailing love. Let them know that it is your hand, that you, LORD,have done it." Psalm 109:26-27
Glory be to God! He has renewed my heart and is renewing my mind! Can I get an AMEN!!!
God has been doing amazing things in my relationships. He's really shown me in the last week that if I give something or someone to Him, He will take care of things...no matter what those "things" may be! It's been so incredible! He truly hears my cries, my concerns, my hopes, my dreams, and He fulfils His promises in His PERFECT timing! It's funny how we always "know" these things, but until we actually let God do His thing we can't fully comprehend the power and love behind His truths! Hmmmm, I think I'm in awe, I'm captivated by His extravagant love!
Compliments of Matthew West:
"It's out of my hands"
There you go healing these scars again
Showing me right where you are again
I'm helpless, and that's where I start again
I'm giving it all up to you
It's out of my hands
It's out of my reach
It's over my head
And it's out of my league
There's too many things
That I don't understand
So it's into your will
And it's out of my hands
Move me, make me
Choose me, change me
Send me, shake me
Find me, remind me
The past is behind me
Take it all away
Take it all from me, I pray
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